Growing Older...

"It sucks getting old. I miss the days when I was between the ages of 18 and 49." -- Harriet Korn from Harry's Law

Some days I can relate to that statement - today is one of them, thanks to some neck pain. 

Thankfully, most days I don't feel all of my 55 years and my age falls somewhere between 14 and 40 depending on who I have been talking to and what I have been doing.  There are days when it feels like no time has passed since I was 14 or 15 and other days when I wonder where all the years went.

It's funny how talking with certain people or hearing certain songs can take you right back to a time and make you feel like it really wasn't that long ago. I seem to experience that more and more lately, wonder why that is? Getting Older? Wishful thinking? Denial? 

Getting Older - well, yes, duh. I've done a lot of living (and have lots more to do!) so I enjoy the sweet memories of those that I've met along the way that are still in my life, my wonderful marriage to the love of my life for 26 years (today) and those of my two fabulous kids growing up and learning to make their way in the world.

Wishful Thinking - that would imply regrets or wishing things were different. While there are some things, in hindsight, I wish I had done differently and I am sorry for, you can't go back. In the moment you can only do the best you know how to do. I firmly believe that I am the sum of my years, no matter how I got here.  

Every bad thing or good thing that happened to me, every bad choice or good choice I made, brought me to where I am today. Where I am today is a pretty great place and if I could do it all over again there are few things I would change. I would definitely try to be a better mother, a better wife and a better friend, but I did the best I could at the time. That's all any of us can really do, even if your best isn't what someone else considers "best". 

Denial - I do have friends who are in denial about getting older and looking older and they spend a lot of time and money staying in denial. And sure, there are some days that I don't like what I see in the mirror - but I like my older self much more than I ever liked my younger self, which is unfortunate because she was a pretty great gal and just never knew it.

I am not in denial about getting older - it happens to all of us, no matter how hard we fight it. I'm a grandma and I absolutely love it! But, I don't feel like a grandma (most days) and I hope I never do. I want be an active grandma for as long as I can which is why I drag myself, Pop-Pop and the pooch out the door everyday to run or walk or hike. 

So, I'm growing older but not up. I will keep doing the best I can. I will keep making memories. And while I can't press the reset button, I will keep trying to be a better mother, wife, friend and grandma. Because, no matter how hold we get, we have to keep trying. That is what keeps us young, it's what keeps us alive.